Customer Service Questions? Customers Have Answers

Is It Just Me, or are the owners of big department stores the only people who don’t understand why shoppers aren’t flocking in the doors these days? Not long ago, I read that Macy’s (in our area, nee Kaufmann’s), is closing "under-performing" stores. I guess that means they added up the cost of renting space and paying employees, and if the annual profit wasn’t sufficient to do that and leave a big chunk of change for the executives and stockholders, that’s all she wrote.

Maybe, just maybe, those owners and executives should take a look at things from the customers’ perspective before they board up the doors. On a recent outting, my husband and I stopped at a local shopping mall – something we used to do with regularity but no longer get much pleasure from. Were we glad to be back? Hardly; our visit only reinforced the reasons we’ve been taking our business elsewhere over the past couple of years.

Somewhere, somebody on high apparently decided it’s more efficient to place check-out counters throughout the store (now euphemistically named "customer service" counters); you’ll find that set-up in Macy’s, JCPenney, Dillard’s and the like. The concept in and of itself isn’t necessarily faulty – the problem is that they’ve very few and far between. It’s quite possible to stand in several areas of the store, items to be purchased in hand and do a complete 360-degree turn without spotting a clue as to where to go to pay for the stuff.

It gets worse. After taking a wild guess as to where the nearest check-out counter will be (that you’ll always pick the wrong direction and walking half the length of the store before you discover it was hiding behind a pillar close to where you’d been standing in the first place is another Murphy’s Law), you finally spot one – only to discover that counter is closed. You look around frantically for someone – anyone – who looks like he or she works there who can check you out or at the very least give you directions to someone who will. Alas, no luck here, either.

So, you have two choices: start out on another search-and-seizure mission – or dump your would-be purchases on the closed counter and walk right out of the store (an option that gets more appealing the older I get).

I'm not done yet. The reason you chose the items you did often is because you had a store-issued coupon (called, also euphemistically, "loyalty" cards). Buy $50 worth of merchandise using our credit card, and we’ll give you a $10 card toward future purchases, the promise goes.

But had you taken the time to read the fine print on the back of the coupon – which requires a high-powered magnifying glass, by the way – you’d have seen the exhaustive list of items that don't qualify. Here, too, another Murphy’s Law is guaranteed to kick in: no matter what items you picked up to buy, when the cash register starts racking up the total, at least one will be exempt.

Once again, you have two choices: Go find another item that qualifies for the discount and add it to the pile (which, of course, is what store officials pray that you’ll do), or dump everything on the counter, say thanks anyway and walk out (quite satisfying from the customer’s perspective, I’m here to report).

In the interest of fairness, I must point out that most, but not all, stores are guilty of this latter practice. My husband and I have become frequent customers (translate to a term retailers understand: Loyal) at Kohl's, a department store that offers brand-name merchandise at reasonable prices every day. But Kohl's also has a loyalty program that can't be beat: When they offer extra discounts -- such as an extra 15% off for senior citizens -- they mean exactly that. Use their credit card and you'll get the discount on anything you buy; no excuses and no exceptions, including stuff that's already marked way down.

Last, but hardly least, it's about style, stupid. Admittedly, I'm a grandmother four times over; but if I can believe what friends, co-workers and family members tell me, I'm still a fairly young-looking, and certainly young-acting one. Yes, I still wear shorts in the summer; but I also want a little give in the waistband and something that doesn't expose skin 5 inches below my belly button. Yes, I love colorful underwear and T-shirts; but my soon-to-be 67 year-old bottom needs more coverage than thongs provide, and I'd like my T-shirts to come out of the dryer roughly the same size as when they went in (and spare me the Miss Kitties, Hannah Montanas and other cutsie logos).

To my dismay, though, most stores offer clothing for two types of customers: those age 16 and under and twig-sized, and elderly men and women who wouldn't dream of going barefoot, even on a beach, or sitting on the floor to play Scrabble or letting a single ray of sun touch their skin.

I suspect I'm not alone. After all, just look at what's left over at the end of each season. No matter how far down this stuff is marked, nobody's buying it (unless perhaps they need an inexpensive gift for someone in the aforementioned groups). Look too at the amount of the leftovers; could any store buyer in his or her right mind actually have believed they'd sell 300 chartreuse knit camisoles (affectionately known as "camis") emblazoned with a puking red dragon?

Ah, but my opinion apparently doesn't count any more. Never mind that my age group has more disposable income than any other (well, at least we did until the economy started to go belly-up). No, they say, it's all about building loyal customers. Young people, you see, are demanding; for now, they're all about wheedling their parents till they get what they want. But in five or 10 years, they'll be grown-up consumers, and they're sure to stick with the stores and brands that served them well all those years ago.

Doesn't anyone else believe that in five or 10 or 15 years, they'll have cajoling kids of their own, and they'll be looking for ways to save money. They'll want clothing that doesn't make them look like a Paris Hilton wannabe or their 81-year-old grandma (which will be me by then). They'll want checkout counters at the ready so they can get their screaming youngsters in and out in a flash. And they'll want loyalty programs that eliminate guesswork. And whichever store gives all this to them is the one that will win their business -- just like it's winning mine now.

And they, too, will have something to look forward to at the end of the season: I have no doubt that those 300 chartreuse camis will be hanging on the clearance racks once again.

Or Is It Just Me?